Am I really doing this?!

Well, here goes...a blog?

I haven't kept a journal faithfully for many, many years. Why? Because my privacy was invaded and pretty much everything I wrote was criticized. That journal (along with a few others) went down the toilet, literally.

Can I put that (along with a few other things) behind me once and for all, and get back to journaling...back to taking care of me? I think keeping a journal/blog would help me on my journey...so I'm gonna give it a try.

My Journey so far...

I've been overweight all of my life...I dealt with all the ridicule and teasing throughout my school years - grade school...on through high school. I have no desire to ever go to a class reunion. Really, any of those people that meant something to me back then - I have kept in touch with since graduation. The others? No desire whatsoever...to go back there. It's almost 20 years ago now, that I graduated from high school. That 20-year reunion will be next year. Hard to believe it's been that long - but at the same time, it almost seems like yesterday I was sitting in a class, hearing someone saying "bubba" behind me...

I have lots of memories like that...and not just from high-school...just like anyone who is overweight. But, ya know - any of those people who make another person feel less than who we are...really aren't worth our time. They certainly, aren't worth our tears... We gotta leave them and those memories behind us...and move forward, on to better, and more worthwhile, things.

In April of 1998, my friend and I went on our first Richard Simmons "Cruise to Lose". I had 100 lbs to lose at the start of that cruise. (I had managed to lose and keep off - about 20 lbs up until that point.) Meeting Richard was amazing. Of course, he was kinda scary at first...so I avoided speaking with him directly until much later in the week. ;-) But, I absorbed all the motivation that I could from him, and all the success stories I heard that week. The exercise classes were so full of energy...they were truly amazing. They are still my favorite part of the cruises. ;-)

I suppose it was about halfway through the week - no, maybe closer to the end of the week - when I finally found the courage to go get in that endless line of people who so desperately needed his help. I was so scared to talk to him! But, when I finally got up and sat next to him on the stage where he was signing autographs and talking to everyone...he totally blew me away. He said "Maria, the one with the serious eyes..." He then proceeded to "tell" me, all about me. And to my astonishment, he was right on.

And the rest, as they say -- is history. :-)

Of course, Richards statement to me that day on that very first cruise - is what gave me my "user name" which I have used for just about everything since getting online just a few short months after that cruise came to an end. Pretty much became my nickname...at least with those closest to me. I guess you could say it stuck.

When I got home from that wonderful cruise - I kept in touch with Richard via snail mail for many months following...and then when technology finally took over - it became via e-mail. And it's been that way ever since. He's proven to be a great friend - one who never gives up on me, and who has been there for me throughout the years I've known him...no matter what.

Up until that first cruise, I had never lost any significant amount of weight. A few pounds here and there - - nothing spectacular. But, there I was - in awe of the wonderful and supportive new friend I had in my life now...one who was there to cheer me on with each success, to give me advice when I needed it - and I began to lose the weight. It almost seemed to be melting off! My friend and I also decided that we were going to go on his next cruise - that Fall - in October of 1998. And when it was time to set sail on our 2nd Cruise to Lose with Richard, I had lost about half of the weight I needed to lose. I was elated!

By the time we set sail on our 3rd Cruise to Lose, I was even closer to my goal. And that 4th Cruise to Lose, in October of 1999 - I was about 5 lbs away from my goal of 100 lbs down.

Uh oh. Not real sure what happened after that...I lost sight of something. Because slowly I began to put the weight back on. I didn't stop cruising. I kept going - pretty much year after year. Not only because I had fallen in love with "cruising" (there just isn't anything like being out on that big ocean), but I was searching for that "thing" that I had found originally - and had somehow lost somewhere.